


The Perfect Enemy's Mixology Guide: by Jim Kirk

by orphan_account



Series: The Inter-Fandom Mixology Guides [2]
Category: Star Trek
Genre: Alcohol, Companion Piece, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Yes These Are Actual Drinks Don't Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:32:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2052018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Kirk's collage of the perfect drinks to share with your perfect enemy, and, possibly, your perfect lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect Enemy's Mixology Guide: by Jim Kirk

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a companion fic to my Khan/Kirk work "Audeamus", but you don't need to read it in order to enjoy the Mixology Guide! All of these drinks are real, yes, and specifically chosen either by their original name or by their ingredients. A list of their original names can be found in the end notes at the bottom of the page. Cheers!

 

_Number One: The 'I Think I Liked You Better When You Were In Cryostasis'_

First grab a shitload of shot glasses because you're gonna need them. Then pour 15 ml black sambuca into each shot glass. Triple the serving for Khan (45 ml) because he's a genetically engineered superhuman and it's gonna be hard to get him sufficiently drunk but dammit you're going to try. Pour 15 ml (45 ml for Khan) of Green Chartreuse on top of that, just because you're looking to get thoroughly wasted. 4 drops Tabasco sauce should go on top of that, but make it 12 for Khan because the son of a bitch deserves to suffer. Mix until the Tabasco is all stirred in with the liquor and down each shot glass like it was your last. Just chug them. See how many it takes for Khan to get drunk, since that would be as funny as hell, and make sure you're utterly wasted right alongside him so you don't say something stupid like how much you want to pin him to the wall and kiss him until you can't breathe.

 

_Number Two: The 'If You Think You Can Seduce Me With Those Azure Eyes Well You're Absolutely Fucking Right' _

Pour 1 1/4 oz Captain Morgan Original spiced rum into the only two fancy glasses you actually have just for the irony of the name, maybe throw some ice cubes in there, too. Then throw in 1 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps, and 2 oz Stoli Vanil vodka after that for the kick in the ass this drink needs- and maybe you need, too. Put a cherry in each, maraschino, just for effect and maybe because you sort-of-probably-definitely want to see how Khan reacts to it. Withhold the whipped cream until you serve it, then try to keep your expression neutral with all of the willpower you physically have when Khan raises his eyebrows at you while you top off his drink with it. Keep it in hand, because you're going to need it later when the petting becomes heavy.

 

_Number Three: The 'You're a Monster But At Least You're a Beautiful One' _

Get two of the huge beer mugs you have out of a cupboard and dump a wicked amount of ice cubes into each, then pour out a bottle of chilled Blue Moon Valencia Grove Amber beer into both, top with 1 dl of straight vodka, and not that piss-poor Grey Goose stuff, either. Smirnoff Wild Honey or Orange will do just fine, but keep the bottle around just in case you feel like you'd be better off drunk while you talk to Khan. As an afterthought, guzzle the thing before he opens his mouth.

 

_Number Four: The 'I Want You to Fuck Me Until I Can't Walk' _

Put on "Phenomena" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in the background and try not to jump Khan as soon as he comes through the door. Take out as many shot glasses as you can carry, don't even bother with the ice. Throw in 1/3 oz George Dickel Tennessee whiskey into each, then follow up with 1/3 oz Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey. Pour another 1/3 oz of Jim Beam bourbon whiskey. Just for flavor, because this is going to be absolute hell to drink, add a dash grenadine syrup, but make sure it's Rose's. Add a bitchfit of maraschino cherries to each one just so you can watch Khan eat them. Give it a short stir with a straw. Completely ignore them while you try to make it to the bed in time to take the pants off. Let Khan top. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

_Number Five: The 'I Have to Go Back to the Enterprise In the Morning So I Think This Is Goodbye' AKA the 'I Don't Want to Leave You, But You Won't Get Me to Say It Out Loud' _

Pour 1/2 part Grand Marnier Cordon Rouge cognac into both of your glasses and try not to look at him. Add one part of Camus brandy into each, and then another part Heering cherry liqueur on top. Dash in a splash of sweet and sour mix and one of grenadine syrup. Fill up the rest of the glass with the good champagne; 6 oz of Veuve Clicquot's Rosé. Try to say goodbye without saying how much you're actually going to miss this son of a bitch, then say it, then finally let him kiss you like the world was ending. Top with the rest of the cognac.

 

_Number Six: The 'I'm Trying Not to Miss You, I Swear, I Am'_

Pour 4 oz of Absolut vanilla vodka that McCoy had smuggled onboard into one of the Starfleet-regulation glasses. Just one, because he's not here. Add 4 oz of Monster energy drink or whatever generic replacement you can find while openly avoiding looking at the stars on the viewport, because if you do you'll see just how far away from him you are and then this whole drink will be ruined just because you can't see Earth from here. Dump a couple of ice cubes in, even though you don't really need them, and shake until it's a half-assed mess just like you are, and nurse it down. Don't think about him. Think about him. Throw the drink out because it's not helping. Miss him.

 

_Number Seven: The 'Hi... Again' _

Figure out how not to grin like an idiot. Kiss Khan hello, again, and try not to melt because you've forgotten how good this feels. Take out two scotch glasses and pour 1/2 oz white creme de cacao into them, then carefully add a 1/2 oz brandy and one tablespoon light cream so that they don't mix. Completely ignore both glasses as Khan says his hello, try not to rip off his shirt as he does so, end up doing it and spend the next hour or so catching up in many more ways than just verbally. Forget about the drinks in their entirety and afterward, when Khan pulls you closer to him and you're both absolutely exhausted, murmur a long-overdue, 'hi'.

 

_ Number Eight: The 'I Definitely Liked You Better In Cryostasis, But I Like the Way You Look In My Bed More'  _

Mix 1 oz vanilla vodka, Smirnoff, with 2 oz E & J Cask and Cream Caramel Temptation liqueur and shake thoroughly, then pour into two Dixie cups, because you're all out of regular glasses. Crawl back into bed and have Khan wrap his arms around you, even though it's noon. Decide to stay in bed the rest of the day, and top both drinks with 1 oz of the cheap caramel syrup you bought at the Stop'n'Shop. Worry about Spock later. Serve.

**Author's Note:**

> The original names of these drinks, from where I found them on drinksmixer.com:
> 
> 1) Black Wolf
> 
> 2) Cinnamon Toast Crunch (but with spiced rum as a twist)
> 
> 3) Danger
> 
> 4) Burning Cherry
> 
> 5) Original Sin
> 
> 6) Absolute Monster
> 
> 7) Angel's Wing
> 
> 8) Caramel Martini


End file.
